Someday is Now

Anita Brick: Hi, this is Anita Brick, and welcome to CareerCast at Chicago Booth. To help you advance in your career today, we're really delighted to be speaking with Sam Horn. Sam is the founder and CEO of The Intrigue Agency, and she is on a mission to help people create a quality of life and work that adds value for all involved. Her client list includes NASA, Capital One, Intel, Four Seasons, and Cisco. Today, we're going to talk about your latest book, Sam, and thank you so much for being on CareerCast today, Sunday Is Not a Day of The Week. Sometimes I do think that someday is a day of the week. Thank you for writing the book. Great book and very, very insightful and really very self honest and authentic. Again, thank you for that. And thank you for being on this call today.

Sam Horn: You're welcome, and I'm really looking forward to sharing some stories and insights with our listeners.

Anita Brick: Wonderful. So maybe you can tell me a little bit of what I might call the someday syndrome, because you describe it very well in the book.

Sam Horn: Paulo Coelho said that one day we're going to wake up and there won't be any time left to do the things we've always wanted to do. So many of us are so busy that we have had a habit of putting things off. Well, I'll do things on the weekend. Well, I'll do things next week when things aren't so crazy at school and this perpetual procrastination becomes a habit. If there's any message I hope that people get from the book, it is that that is a path to regrets. When we look back, we are really going to regret, especially the things that were important, that we planned, that we intended, that we hope to do someday. Someday is the busiest day of the week. It's never going to come around.

Anita Brick: So what you and I are going to talk about today is how we can overcome that habit of putting things off and starting today, great and alone. To kick things off because you talk about true priorities, an alum said, ”Hi Sam, thanks for doing this CareerCast. What if, like me, you've become clueless about your true priorities? How do you rediscover them?”

Sam Horn: Some people may know that I started and ran the Maui Writers Conference for 17 years, and the biggest epiphany from 17 years was think it when you think it. So I hope that unless people are driving or listening to this, I hope they get some paper and pen, because there is a quick two minute exercise that can help us figure out what our true priorities are. So if you can get a piece of paper, and you can do this on your digital device too, but just write down the five things that are most important to you is your health. What's most important to me is my family. What's most important to you? How about your friends you know learning? Or is it exploring and being outside in nature? Is your faith the most important thing? So just write down five things that really are at the top of your priority list.

So those are your priorities okay. In the other column now this is your time priorities. Think about a normal week. What are the five things you spend the most time on? Many people spend the most time at work. They spend eight, nine, ten hours a day at work. Or, I know we have students on the call, classes, your homework, your research, and your projects, and studying, and so forth. Maybe you go to the gym once a week, but that's not even close. That's an hour or two a week. Write down the five things you spend the most time on. And guess what, Anita? For many people, you look at your true priority list and then look at your time priority list and they don't match.

Anita Brick: People say their friends are important, but they're too busy and they cancel out on oh, I can't tonight, I've got to do this. Or yeah, I know I said we are going to do this, but I'm too busy. So often our time priorities take precedence over our two priorities. And once again, that's a path to regrets.

Sam Horn: You're absolutely right, Anita. What's something you put over on your true priority list, but then when you look at your time priority list, you go, oh my goodness, that's not even on my top five or what I spend time on.

Anita Brick: Okay, so no pressure here. Of course, I would say that my two priorities in many ways sync up, but one area that does not sync up is I've been working on a book for a while, and I made a lot of progress last summer, and then I just seemed to backburner it.

Sam Horn: Yep. And you know, Anita, I know that many people have submitted questions and that was one of the questions that kept coming up, that how can we hold ourselves accountable for doing our true priorities when we have so many time priorities? And if there's anything we get out of this call, it is to put it on the calendar. If we don't have a boundary around a true priority, it will slide.

Anita Brick: This is a really good point. And this question from a staff member, he said, “I know that you say to start with something small,” which is kind of what you just said, but he said, “How do you suggest choosing just one and which one?”

Sam Horn: I love this question, Anita. Okay, everybody, it's a two minute exercise and it can help us get crystal clear on our next. And when I say our next, it's of all the different things we could do, that one that rises to the top, that really is going to have the highest ROI or that will be most meaningful, or that we'll be most glad that we did it. Of all the options, the Happiness Box is in the book and we're going to do it right now. So please draw a big box on a piece of paper. Now we're going to divide it into four quadrants. Put a vertical line down the center horizontal line or across the middle. So now you have four little squares in the big box okay. Upper left put the number one. That's our number one square upper right. That's our number two square, the lower left square is three and the lower right square is four.

I am going to ask a question and please write down the first things that come to mind because those are the most honest. So this does not have to be nice or politically correct. Your gut has the answers to the happiness test if you will just voice it instead of suppress it. Box number one. What are you doing in your life and career that you want to do? Maybe what you're doing that you want to do is that you're doing meaningful work and using your skills, and you feel like you're putting your degree to good use. Number one square, what are you doing in your life that you want to? All right.

So number two, what are you not doing that you want to do? Thousands of people have filled out this box. And the number one answer is they're not exercising or working out or taking care of their health or their body. So maybe what you're not doing is taking care of your health. Okay, good. So what's number three? Number three, what are you doing? And you don't want to guess what the number one answer is in this social media. Maybe what you're doing that you don't want to do is commuting. So what are you doing? You don't want to square four. What are you not doing that you don't want to do? And yes, for our English major that's a double negative. But it's important. Maybe what you're not doing that you don't want to do is to work in an organization where you're just a number and you feel that no one really even cares.

Here's how we interpret the results. Please circle the answers in box one and four. That is what is contributing to your happiness. That is what helps your life to feel right. But now circle the answers in two and three. Because this is what compromises our happiness. And this is where we start the question that came from the student. Look at something in box 2 or 3, because if we change one thing in box three, it often frees up time and energy for something that's in box two. Or if we start or finish something in box two, it gives us that sense of satisfaction, and our life is more of what we want it to be now, not someday.

Anita Brick: So here's a question that came from a student. “The things that you just asked us to do. You have to trust that you know what you're doing. And I’m not so sure that I trust my instincts, and I'm afraid to make decisions based on them. How can I experiment with low risk actions?”

Sam Horn: What a wonderful question. We use our intellect and our instincts. It's not either or, it's both. So back to the student's question. You're going to get some gut calls. You're going to be at an event, and you're going to think, I want to meet that person over there. Well, the chances are that person is somehow congruent at an instinctual level. That person is compatible with you, in alignment with you. What I have found is instead of ignoring those instincts, if you honor those instincts, they are your best future meeting you halfway. And we don't even have to understand how it works. Have you ever known your instincts to steer you wrong, Anita?

Anita Brick: No, but I also know that at times when I didn't follow them, I steered myself wrong.

If there's anything I've learned in the last three years of interviewing thousands of people, it is that our instincts have our best interests at heart.

Sam Horn: The input to this young man is I am not suggesting that you ignore logic, or you ignore facts or documentation or justify linear decisions. What I'm also suggesting is that you ask and honor your instincts and your intuition. So back to that young man's question. It's not an either or. It's when you're making a decision, when you're making a choice, by all means look at the practicalities, but also honor and listen to what you really want to do. And then make a decision that is a balance of both.

Anita Brick: That's good. So here's an alum with more than 20 years of experience. And she said, “You talk about snapping back into old habits which are speaking to me. Just kidding. How do I reduce or eliminate this behavior? I'm getting discouraged because I don't feel like I'm making the progress that I want, even though I have a lot of experience.”

Sam Horn: I love these questions, Anita, because you're so honest and real, and they deal with what we face on a daily basis and in the Someday Is Not a Day In The Week book we call that the rubber band. A routine snapping back. Here is how we can change a default. Here's a story. And then the point and the advice and the step on how to change this, reverse this habit, this default. The very first day of my year by the water where I took my business on the road because I realized I wanted to be more adventurous now, not some day, my friends gave me a sendoff party and on my way out the door one said, keep an eye out for that hurricane. I said, hurricane? Well, I was headed to Chesapeake Bay and so it was a hurricane. See, I had a commitment to keep. So I started driving and an hour later, my windshield wipers can't even keep up with that horizontal rain. And all of a sudden the thought bubble pops up out of my head. Why drive into a hurricane? Well, because I made a commitment and we keep our promises. That's the right thing to do.

But an hour later, when I could hardly keep the car on the road, I thought, I'm about to put my life at risk because I'm keeping this commitment. So I texted my friend and I said, it's getting a little intense out here. Is it okay if I reschedule? Well, two minutes later, she texted back and said, of course, you know, stay safe, take care of yourself. And as I nestled under a comforter, in a bed and had breakfast a half an hour later, I asked myself how many commitments am I keeping that are toxic or unhealthy because I think it's the right thing to do, but I could actually revisit that commitment. When we're talking about changing habits, to look at the things you do traditionally or out of duty, or because you said you would, and you're keeping that commitment because you think it's the responsible thing to do. What if you approach that person and you ask if there might be a better way that works out for both of you?

Anita Brick: That part of it is very important because, yeah, we all want to keep our commitments. But what if the habit is to not keep a commitment? There was a student who said, “I seem to have gotten into this pattern. I'm determined to pursue a goal that I've put on hold. I get pumped up each weekend and then other things take precedent by Monday afternoon. Any advice on how to change this? Really appreciate your thoughts.”

Sam Horn: Once again, I love these questions. You know, John Carter out of Harvard, who's considered one of the country's experts on change, said, do you know what the number one prerequisite is for change? A sense of urgency. If we perpetually put things off, it's because we assume there's an automatic tomorrow, that there is no penalty, that there's no consequence, that we can get away with it. So we really don't feel there's any risk or any damage. It's going to be done by us, putting us off. The only way to reverse that default habit is to hold ourselves accountable. So if it is not on the calendar, it's not going to happen. And if you can team up with someone, you have just dramatically increased the likelihood that you'll actually do it this weekend. Instead of just being like previous weekends where Monday comes around and it never gets done.

Anita Brick: Well, another related question from an alum and he said, “I hate to admit this, but I'm afraid of a lot of things and I've been known to delay making decisions from fear. My family made big decisions impulsively and left the rest of us to clean up the mess. What is a middle way? Is it something like a gut plus a short pause with love? What’s your advice?”

Sam Horn: What an honest question. What we model, we teach. If our history has been people who have been impulsive and who have done things spontaneously without thinking them through, and then, as this person said, they were left to clean up the mess, then we compensate for that by being perhaps overly cautious or overly comprehensive, because we don't want that to happen again. So we go to the other extreme of the continuum. How you hack a fear is you make the daunting doable.

One more thing. You ask yourself this question: what will matter a year from now? Will it matter that you gave in to that fear once again? Or will it matter that you changed your life for good? You did something that you used to be afraid of, but now you will always be grateful that you did so to the person who's got this fear, how can you hack it and make the daunting doable so you're not doing the whole thing. If you just go to one event how can you put a date on a calendar? And who can you either share it with or celebrate it with?

Anita Brick: So you're already seeing it in your mind as a done deal and already proud of yourself for doing it. Okay, good. Do you have time for a couple more questions?

Sam Horn: Oh you bet. Let's keep going.

Anita Brick: Okay, that was an alum, but this is a student. And the student said, “You talk about watering dead plants in your book. What are a few signs that I could be watering a dead plant?”

Sam Horn: I love this question. Joyce Meyer said life may give you a cactus. You don't have to sit on it. What I have found is that many of us are sitting on dead cactuses and watering dead plants. And here's a quick story. And then how we can apply it in our life. I was in Hawaii, and I had a chance to go to the Top Story bookstore on the island of Kauai. I was so intrigued. I asked about their story. Cindy and Ed Justice bought this bookstore. Now they are on Kauai. They're out in Hanapepe out in the middle of nowhere. And yet at one time it was one of Hawaii's fastest growing businesses.

How is it? Because they stop watering dead plants. They first started doing everything that they were told to do. Well, you have to have coffee in a bookstore. So they put coffee in their bookstore. They have chairs in a bookstore, so they put chairs in their bookstore. You have to have book signings and events. So they did everything that they were told to do.

Guess what happens? The business they started that they loved, quickly in a year because they were following everyone's advice, was something that they were dragging themselves through, and they combined intellect and intuition. They asked themselves, what don't we like to do? Intuition, instincts, but intellect and what is not paying off? So they stopped watering dead plants, all the things that made them miserable and that did not make money and that did not sell books, they stopped watering it. They got rid of it.

Now they're back to operating near bookstore 10 to 6, which is what they wanted to do originally. They're selling lots of books, and once again, they are a commercial success because they are focusing on what is thriving both pragmatically and financially and emotionally and psychologically as well. To me, that's a great example. Look in your life at what's not working both on an emotional level and on a practical level, and to keep doing that when it is draining your time and energy and resources and does not have a commensurate ROI, just doesn't make sense. That's a plant to stop watering.

Anita Brick: That truly makes sense, I love it, a great example, and it's a great image too. So you've given us a lot. You know there are many resources on your site intrigueagency.com, and there's also a link in your bio. When you think about it, what are three things that you would advise someone listening today to make some day now and to be more successful, happier and live without the regret of if only I had?

Sam Horn: Here are those three things with a story so that it's not just an idea. It is an example of how this really can work in real life. My favorite quote on this is from Chuck Yeager, who was an aviation pioneer, the first man to break the sound barrier. And he said, at the moment of truth, there are either reasons or results. I was in Boston speaking and a woman said, Tim, is there anywhere you didn't get to go on New Year by the water? I said, yeah, Walden Pond. And she said, Sam, you know, it's an hour away, right? Who knew? The first thing I did is I renegotiated a commitment, because I was supposed to fly out that day and work with a client. The next day, I called the client and I said, if tomorrow works best for you, I will honor my commitment. Is there any chance? So Friday works for you because then I get to go to Walden Pond, which is something I've always wanted to do, she said. Friday works better for me, so I got to revisit a commitment and hopefully propose something that's a better option. I changed my schedule and I drove to Walden Pond the next day.

What I'm saying is, we're not here to stand on the shore of life. Should I, I should? That is a path to regret. And those regrets are preventable. Look back at your happiness box. What is something in box two and box three and how can you either change what's in box three or start or finish in what's box two? Because you will never regret doing what's in box two and changing what's in box three and keeping out what's in box four and scheduling what’s in box one so it doesn't slide out of your life. You'll never be sorry you do these things. You'll only be sorry you didn't do them sooner.

Anita Brick: Great point. Anything else that you would add?

Sam Horn: Anita? You know all the statistics about the epidemic of loneliness and disc.

Anita Brick: Oh my gosh. Yeah, yeah.

Sam Horn: Half of Americans say they have zero confidence. They don't have one close friend. They can’t talk about what really matters. So what I'm going to suggest is the happiness interview. And you're welcome to supply the link through your show if you would like. Or people can go to the intrigued agency website and they can print out this happiness interview. Take that happiness interview to a meal with a friend, a family member, someone at school, someone at work and that you interview each other so that you have the luxury to go deep into those questions. Who and what is contributing to your happiness? Who and what is compromising your happiness? What are you going to do about it?

Because people have told me that that has led to one of the most meaningful, insightful conversations they've had in years, and it is a catalyst for doing something differently. Even one thing, if as a result of that meaningful conversation, you get an epiphany about something you have been putting off, and then you put it on a calendar and maybe you align with someone who would also like to do that, and also want someone to hold them accountable and to make it more fun. If you do one thing, one little thing can make a big difference in creating the quality of life you want now. Not someday.

Anita Brick: Okay, and when you do, I think sometimes it gives others the courage to do the same. And then the ripple has a really broad impact.

Sam Horn: Oh, Anita, you're so right. And what I believe is that taking responsibility to do one thing a week that puts the light on in your eyes sets a precedent that we each take responsibility for doing something that makes us happy. And then, as you just said, that precedent gives other people permission to do the same.

Anita Brick: What a wonderful conversation and a great way to end. And, Sam, I know you're one of the busiest people that I know, so taking this time out to talk with me and for the folks listening to CareerCast, what a joy and what a treat. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Sam Horn: You know, you're welcome. I guess you can tell I'm a woman on a mission about this. You know, my dad was going to visit the national parks when he retired, and he worked hard all of his life. And he served a lot of people. And he finally retired. And he took off on that trip. And a week later, he had a stroke in a hotel bathroom. And he never got to see all those parks. Dad's example is alive in me and is why I'm reaching out to everyone. Get specific. Don't change your whole life. No. What is one thing that you've been putting off, do it this week and see if you don't feel a little bit better about yourself and your life, which gives you the incentive to do it again. And then do it again. And little by little, even when there are a lot of things you can't control, this is one thing you can control and it will give you a life of results instead of regrets.

Anita Brick: Totally agree, Sam. Thank you. Thank you so very, very much.

Sam Horn: You're welcome and best wishes to you, Anita, and to everyone who's been listening.

Anita Brick: And thank you all for listening. This is Anita Brick with CareerCast at Chicago Booth. Keep advancing.