Chicago Booth Review Podcast What Is the Cost of Authenticity?

Episode Transcript

Hal Weitzman: Leaders are often told to be their authentic selves, but what does that actually mean? Welcome to the Chicago Booth Review Podcast, where we bring you groundbreaking insights in a clear and straightforward way. I'm Hal Weitzman.

Today, Chicago Booth's Samantha Coleman talks to us about authenticity. Coleman thinks that authenticity is a choice. How do we make that choice and what are the consequences of being authentic? Samantha Coleman, welcome to the Chicago Booth Review Podcast.

Samantha Coleman: Thank you. I'm happy to be here.

Hal Weitzman: Well, we're delighted to have you here to talk about authenticity. There's so much about authenticity in business discussions and that leadership discussions, but you have an interesting take. For you, authenticity isn't simply about self-expression, how I want to come across. It's a decision that I take. What does that mean?

Samantha Coleman: Yeah. So, thank you for naming that right out the gate. I think authenticity is a buzzword that is used quite often. And when I think about authenticity, it's not just self-expression of just who am I showing up in the room as. I think of it more as who am I choosing to be in a particular moment based on that context as well as my identities? And am I going to make the appropriate choice for that moment?

Hal Weitzman: It's so interesting because you think of authenticity as being who you genuinely are when everything else is stripped away, the situation, the whatever else. And yet, you're saying, actually it's ... In other words, a sort of subconscious things. Just who you are, unvarnished. But what you're saying is actually, these are choices that we make. And do you think that people make those choices subconsciously then, or is your point that we should be aware of them and take those choices seriously?

Samantha Coleman: I think it's both, actually. So, we are making choices subconsciously because there are all sorts of bits of data about ourselves that we may or may not acknowledge or be aware of. So for instance, I may have a particular value, right? So I like to think of the value of recognition, so to speak. If I am someone who values recognition, meaning that perhaps as a child, every time I achieved something, I was then rewarded. And somehow that recognition, it lended itself toward my worth. And so now, I'm like, "Okay, I enjoy recognition," but I may not be continuously exploring or interrogating why. So, it might be subconscious for me and then I may be completely aware about it in the moment as well.

Hal Weitzman: But what does it mean to choose to be authentic?

Samantha Coleman: To choose to be authentic means I have looked at the entirety of a situation, right? So I'm looking at when I'm coming into this particular moment, what's my identities? What is it that I value? What are my overall experiences? And then I'm looking at that particular situation to say, "Okay. Who are the players here? What are the stakes? What are the relationships? Who has the power?" And then I choose to say, "How am I going to show up here?" And not just show up, but in a way that feels like I am not abandoning myself, that I somehow don't feel incongruent with what I'm expressing, who I want you to understand me to be, and then how I actually feel about that experience of me that you are having. So I'm choosing, in that moment, which version of me fits right now.

Hal Weitzman: It's how I want to come across, it sounds like, in the way that... It's what you're saying?

Samantha Coleman: Exactly.

Hal Weitzman: Okay.

Samantha Coleman: How do I want to come across?

Hal Weitzman: So, it's about other people. It's not about me and what I want to do. It's about how I present to others.

Samantha Coleman: Well, that's expression. So if I'm solely looking at how does this look to other people, then that's how you get authenticity as self-expression. But the choice here is, am I feeling congruent, if you will?

Hal Weitzman: Right.

Samantha Coleman: So the various versions of me, whichever one I pluck out at the moment and I insert into that particular moment I've chosen for the moment, does that feel good to me?

Hal Weitzman: One of the reasons I press you on this is because I wonder, you're almost framing it in terms of values or the things that I really care about and how I want to be perceived or perceive myself, right? But I feel like sometimes, people fold into authenticity stuff that they just don't want to do. I'm authentically introverted. Well, you might be, but it might be that you haven't actually experimented forcing yourself to speak to people or speak in front of people. So, is there a distinction there between behaviors that are authentic, which I'm somewhat skeptical about, or values or characteristics that are more genuinely authentic, if we can say that?

Samantha Coleman: I don't think it's more about characteristics that are more genuinely authentic, rather as I'm hearing you express this particular example. It's more about whether or not you believe my behaviors are authentic. And so if I'm super concerned about how you perceive me, then now, I might engage in behaviors that are not congruent with me. So, that is where that pressure comes in.

When we think about authenticity, we're not really thinking about it when our values are in alignment with our intentions. We're not really thinking about it when our identities aren't being questioned or when we feel like we belong. It is when authenticity becomes expensive. Then I'm like, "Which one am I going to choose for the moment?" And I'm trying to determine if you're going to feel okay about this.

Hal Weitzman: And that makes a lot of sense because you tend to be particularly conscious of authenticity when we're under pressure, right?

Samantha Coleman: Yes.

Hal Weitzman: So, talk about that.

Samantha Coleman: Yes. So if I am in a situation where I'm feeling like I'm not going to belong, if I make a particular decision, if I am being authentic in self-expression, then I may choose to, as you said, maybe move into extroverted traits when really, I'm more introverted. And so now, I'm moving out of what we call congruence. This doesn't necessarily feel good to me, but I'm choosing to express myself in a way that isn't going to rub someone else the wrong way. And I may leave from that situation with that icky feeling on me or sort of like that prickling that comes up your spine where you're like, "That wasn't me. That's not how I wanted to behave in that particular moment." But when we talk about true authenticity, this is looking at the situation, understanding that there is a pressure there and not moving immediately into action sometimes because, I think, authenticity, it gets tangled because it becomes on autopilot.

It's like, "Oh, there's a situation. I don't want to make someone else uncomfortable, so I'm going to behave this way to make the bandage, if you will, or comfortability." Whereas if I am being true to who I am in that particular moment, I'm going to take a beat and say, "Okay. Here's who I know myself to be. These are my identities. These are my values. These are my experiences. This is everything. This is all the data that I know about me. What is this situation? Have I located it? What exactly is the situation that I'm in right now? And have I interrogated everything about who I believe myself to be?" So if I'm looking at the situation and I want to behave in a certain way, why do I want to behave that way right now?

And what sort of signal am I going to generate to the other person, the people, the organization? What signal am I going to generate about what those individuals need to know about me in that moment? And then, how am I going to move? What is the choice that I'm going to make? So a lot of times, when we look at authenticity, people making rash decisions. In the moment, right? When I look at authenticity being a decision as taking a beat, it doesn't mean that you need days to explore it. But it does, however, mean that if you are in a constant practice of really understanding who you are, of really taking a look around and surveying what the situation is, then you have a greater chance of being able to move in a way that feels good to you, knowing again that it can be expensive.

Hal Weitzman: It's so interesting because just hearing you speak, thinking about when a CEO is caught doing something naughty and they'll say something like, "That isn't me. That isn't me."

Samantha Coleman: Right.

Hal Weitzman: And yet, other people will say, "That is you. You revealed who you really are." So there seems to be a tension that you're saying, if you take a beat, you have more control over who you are. And maybe, that would've been a good idea for that misbehaving CEO. But on the other hand, when people reveal themselves to you, they are, in a sense, revealing who they authentically are, right?

Samantha Coleman: They are, definitely. And I think also too, this is why context matters. So in that particular situation, I revealed who I was. And it might've also been in that moment that a person will say, "Well, that's not who I was," because they strayed away from, perhaps, a value set, or they strayed away from experiences where they've learned something about themselves and they've chosen to go in a different direction. So I think it's both end where, yes, I've revealed something about myself that would suggest that this is the way that I might behave, but I like to think of it as, "This is how I behaved in this particular moment." It does not necessarily mean that that's how I'm going to behave all the time. But consistency is key, right? So it's like when we're looking at folks, when they begin to develop a pattern, we're looking at that pattern and we're determining whether or not they are "authentic," if you will.

But then I have to be able to determine for myself what behaviors do I want to consistently show up. And just because you see a new behavior does not necessarily mean that I am being inauthentic.

Hal Weitzman: Right. So to complicate this, based on what you just said, I know that you're not completely in agreement with this idea that there is a one true self.

Samantha Coleman: Yeah.

Hal Weitzman: That there are various different authentic selves. And maybe, some of these behaviors reveal a side of us that is authentic, but maybe not the authenticity that we wanted to put forward.

So talk about that because you would think people say, "It's authentically me." They mean one thing, typically. They don't mean, I do this, but then in other situations I behave in a different authentic way. But you think there are multiple authentic selves. What does that mean?

Samantha Coleman: Absolutely. So I think again, you'll hear me talk a lot about values and identity, right? So when we think about this concept of multiple selves, so you and I are sitting right here right now in this podcast. So this is our professional selves, right? You're in the podcast host identity. I am in the professor identity. I also have an entrepreneur identity, a mother identity, a partner identity, friend, colleague. These are all multiple selves, and you may or may not have the opportunity to see all of those particular selves. But when we put ourselves into a box and say, "This is just strictly who I am," that is also how we get ourselves into trouble because we are now trying to line up with a particular standard that we have set for ourselves and for others. So, we're judging other people about how we believe they ought to behave in a particular context.

But I have the ability to say that even though I'm in a professional space, I can also bring my friend identity into this conversation with you. I can choose to bring my leader identity in with you. And that does not mean that I'm being inauthentic. It just means that I'm choosing which versions of myself make the most sense for this moment and, hopefully, the cost is not expensive.

Hal Weitzman: Samantha Coleman, in the first half, we talked about authenticity and this fascinating conversation about what is your true self or selves and different identities that you have. And of course, we do have those different roles, right? And maybe, the attempt to compartmentalize them is not easily done, maybe not fruitful either. I'm thinking about when people see a gap or a difference between their behavior and how they think of themselves or what they think of being their authentic selves, and they want to adjust that or change. So, what is the difference between making an adjustment to our authentic selves and then that incongruence that you talked about earlier?

Samantha Coleman: I think it is so critical to continuously interrogate ourselves and our behaviors, asking ourselves, "Why is it that I'm doing what I'm doing? Why is it that I made that particular choice?" So again, even if I'm looking at a particular value that I have, where did it come from? So a lot of times, it's easy to say like, "Oh, I believe this," or, "I believe that," and, "I act this way," and that's it. It's finite, right? But all of those things have a story, and are we willing to unearth what that particular story is? And I think when we engage in that intentional interrogation, it allows us then to say, "Okay. I now understand a little bit more about my pathway, why I'm making particular decisions, and I know precisely what it's going to feel like when I'm out of alignment." I think that is the key here.

We don't want incongruence. We want to feel aligned. And that is when the cost of authenticity is not as expensive. And alignment, for me, may look inauthentic to you. And am I okay with that? Because I am not abandoning myself. And I think that is what authenticity is about, staying true to who it is you know that you are because you have interrogated it consistently to the point where you become unshakable and unmovable and very resolute, if you will, when you are making decisions, because you know that it has not been done in a haphazard way.

Hal Weitzman: Why is it important to do that interrogation that you're talking about? I could just list my values or what's important to me. Why do I have to dig back in the way that you're talking about and understand why I have those values?

Samantha Coleman: Yes. So remember earlier, I gave that example around the value of recognition. So if recognition, for me, as a value, is something that I'm interrogating, where does that come from? And I say to myself, I know that I have a high emphasis on recognition because I was consistently praised or I've been praised as a child, I've been praised as an adult for my achievements, and somehow that dictates self-worth to me. Whereas other people might be recognized or they value recognition because of the impact that they're able to make. It's the same value, but it's two different stories of how I've come up to that value of recognition. If I as a leader have not really unearthed that, then now I make decisions based on the story of my past, right? So if I'm looking at my recognition around achievement, I may make decisions for myself, for my team, for my organization that are only going to feed into my own self-worth.

If I am only concerned about impacts, if you will, that are maybe grander scale, then I'm not paying close enough attention to, perhaps, even smaller impacts that might negatively have an impact on other people. So, I need to be very careful about how... Not a bad value, right? Recognition's not a bad value, but I have to be very cautious about how the dark side of what it is that I put at the forefront may impact other people.

Hal Weitzman: And that's got me thinking about leadership because obviously, you teach leadership. So, how does this feed into leadership? Why are authentic leaders better or how are they different?

Samantha Coleman: I think that authentic leaders are different, because I won't say better. I think that they are different because if I am leading in a way where I am attuned to myself, that means I give permission for the other people around me to do the exact same thing. That when people show up as themselves or that particular version that I got today, that I am willing to say, "Okay. Let me take a step back and look at the entirety of this person," as opposed to moving to a place of judgment. And I think it's important to be able to give people the opportunity to show up. It's just like when we look at the divide of the personal and professional, right? So sometimes, folks are like, "Nope, those two don't touch." And that's impossible to say that, right? Because if I'm in my mother identity and I started off on a rough morning, then it's highly possible that what occurred in the home space can filter into the workspace.

And not necessarily that means that my performance is going to be poor or what have you, but maybe I'm not as quiet or... I'm sorry, maybe I'm not as talkative today. Maybe I'm more quiet and reserved. But if you get pinched because I'm not my usual talkative self, then it's like you're not allowing for me to be different in the moment. And I think all of us have the right to be different when that is what needs to happen for us in that moment. And I might need to be quiet on this particular day because that is what's going to help me get back to my baseline.

Hal Weitzman: So if we're thinking about what this looks like in practice, who are the people in the public eye who you think will showcase their authenticity? Just so our listeners can get a sense of what it is exactly we're talking about.

Samantha Coleman: My example may be a little unorthodox here, but I have to, have to, have to give a shout-out to Bad Bunny. And so if we know from Super Bowl 2026, we saw this particular artist, in my opinion, really navigate extreme pressure. And that pressure being how he was viewed politically for being an artist that essentially, refused to sing rap in English. I'm sorry, yes, in English, and only performed in Spanish. And the ridicule that was received from essentially showing up as himself.

And the respect that I have for Bad Bunny is that this was a huge decision, right? So one, you are on one of the largest stages ever. And if this does not go "right," you have the ability to really throw a monkey wrench into your career. You have an opportunity to lose fandom. There, according to reports that were out, like the man was walking around in a bulletproof vest just simply to be able to show up in the way that he wanted to express his identity, his culture, and what I consider to be his value set. And to do so in a way that I think a lot of people may have thought that, "Oh, he's an artist.``` That he can just do that." But there is a lot at stake to show up as yourself.

And I think that it's important for us to be able to look at figures such as him and to consider if we were in that same situation. We have a decision to make, right? So, I'm sure he had consultants all around him. And there is a question on whether or not I'm going to go all the way to the top and amplify my message, my stance. Am I going to neutralize this thing? Am I going to calibrate? What am I going to do? And what I really respected about that choice was that he took it all the way to the top and essentially was like, "This is who I am, this is what I'm doing, and consequences be damned."

Hal Weitzman: Right. And as you say, there are consequences. And that makes me think earlier, you talk about costs.

Samantha Coleman: Yes.

Hal Weitzman: I mean, that's a big cost you're talking about there, walking around with a bulletproof vest that you're afraid of violence. But in a sense, a lot of these choices, let's go back to the beginning, entail some kind of cost either way. Talk about that a little bit, the costs, the trade-offs that are involved.

Samantha Coleman: Absolutely. So if we look at things from a professional setting, if I am showing up in a particular way in my work environment that might rub someone else the wrong way, I'm intentionally weighing, is this going to perhaps have something against my reputation? Is this going to get in the way of me promoting? Is this not only hitting my reputation and my promotion, but that can also impact my livelihood, which then touches my family? So this is why, I think, it is important for us to look at when I am making a decision in a high stakes environment, and I consider pretty much all situations high stakes. Folks are like, "Oh, well, this is low stakes, high stakes." Everything is a high stakes situation to me. And if I don't make the appropriate decision, it has a ripple effect on others.

And there are times where it's not always a negative consequence, right? So, I want to make sure that I'm being clear that the expense, if you will, is sometimes worth it. So, I might need to really lean into my values. I really may need to be steadfast in my identities and my experience, and that may ultimately pay off because, again, it is inviting others to do the same. And so again, if I'm looking back at that value of recognition, if it's my own value to leave impact and to inspire others and to bring others in to be able to say like, "Hey, these are the multiple versions of myself," then the cost might be expensive if I'm scared about it, but then the payoff for me might be extremely rewarding.

Hal Weitzman: And there's a cost of [inaudible 00:24:35].

Samantha Coleman: And there's the cost of that.

Hal Weitzman: Nothing. The incongruity is also expensive, right?

Samantha Coleman: Yes.

Hal Weitzman: Okay. I'm running out of time, so I want to make sure that our listeners get something that they can do, an activity. And obviously, you teach this to MBA students. So what would be an exercise that our listeners could think about, help them understand their identities, think about their authenticity, and decide which aspects they should bring forward in particular situations?

Samantha Coleman: I would say for listeners to look at this in three different ways. So identity, origin, and choice. So right now, listeners, if you are experiencing a particular challenge, whether this is personal or professional, I want you to consider which identities or which versions of yourself may need to come into this particular moment. Is it the learner that needs to come in, the challenger, the collaborator, the parent? Which identities are right for this moment according to you? And from there, to say to yourself, "If I am a learner, if I'm a collaborator, if I'm the parent, where does that come from? What is the story that I have told myself about what it means to be the learner? How did I even become attached to that identity? Did I choose it? Was it assigned? Was it earned, inherited? Where did that come from and what is the story behind it?" So, this is how we look at the origin of our identities.

And then from there, to say, "Okay. Out of these three to five identities that I might have listed, which one do I think is going to be the most appropriate for that moment where I don't believe that I am abandoning myself?" This is not about the expression or what someone else thinks is right. What do I think is appropriate for that moment where I am standing firmly in myself? I feel congruent. And once you've made that choice, to then act on it. Put that action into play, and then journal about it or do a voice note about it. What is the data that you received from that moment and that decision? And to then say to yourself, "Do I feel aligned?" And if you do, then this is how you know that you really took your authenticity and made it a decision in real time.

Hal Weitzman: Samantha Coleman, it's been a fascinating conversation. Thank you so much for coming on the Chicago Booth Review Podcast.

Samantha Coleman: Thank you.